When Rabbi Dov and I were expecting our first child, we received a memorable voice message from my grandmother, Savta Eivy ob"m. We kept the message on our good-old answering machine for many months, replaying it often.
On the message, my Savta said, in Hebrew "I am so excited for your baby to be born! I wanted to suggest that you consider calling him after my husband. He was such a good man, and the baby will be very successful with that name." She went on for a bit more about how special it would be for the child to be named for my grandfather, and then she ended the message with saying: "and if the baby turns out to be a girl - then it makes no difference!"
Dov and I found the message to be humorous and sweet. Her comfort in sharing what she hoped we would name the child. And her ending words were just so....classic! We ended up having a girl after all.
Sometimes extended family members have hopes and ideas on what the new parents will name the newborn child. They may secretly hope for a meaningful name, an interesting name, something exciting and creative to top off the family simcha.
Some parents spend months of pregnancy with piles of baby-naming books, trying hard to choose the perfect name. I even have a friend who couldn’t decide on a name until weeks after her baby was born! It's a huge decision! We are taught that a spirit of prophecy comes to the parents upon the child's birth - on what the baby's name should be. A name is directly connected with the soul of the child, a soul that only begins it's descent after birth. (That's why we are encouraged to make the naming decision after birth).
There is often an unspoken (or spoken) pressure that the parents feel from family and friends on what to name the baby. Letting go of that pressure and focusing in on that prophecy can be a challenge at times.
With two of our children, we struggled. We knew that we wanted to have children named for our beloved Rebbe and Rebbetzin - Rabbi Menachem Mendel and Rebbetzin Chaya Mushka Schneerson. Yet, I struggled. There were other family members I so much wanted to name for. There were many exciting, interesting, and creative names I dreamed of.
Yet my inner voice said that choosing the name of our child is a once-in-a-lifetime thing - and the name will affect the child for life. I need to make it a very pure and G-dly decision.
I reminded myself of Chana the Prophetess, the famous Chana who was barren for many years. Eli the High Priest found her in deep and emotional prayer in the Holy Temple. Eli thought her to be drunk! Chana replied with her famous words: "I am not drunk! I am pouring my soul before G-d!" I have learned from the explanations of our Rebbe that she communicated with Eli that her prayer for a child and her desire for a child was not a selfish one. It was with pure motives- to give the child to G-d.
Indeed, Chana followed through with her words. When her prayers were answered, and she was blessed with a son, she nursed him until the age of three She then brought him back to the Temple, giving him to Eli to teach him and raise him in the way of G-d. She gave up the son she so longed for - to serve G-d's people! He grew up to be the famous Shmuel the Prophet, leader of the Jewish Nation.
Why do we bring children into this world? Not as our little "side-kicks", not as a cute and fun accessory. We bring children to this world because G-d said we should. We raise children to serve Him and beautify His world. These children belong to Him! The precious bundle lands in our arms only to do with him or her as He wishes. And to direct the child in His ways.
As we raise our children, and concerns and fears pop up at every step of parenting – it helps me to remember this. To remember that my child belongs to G-d. He gave me the honor of holding onto him – and I am to do my best with each day I have him.
So in choosing that name, I reminded myself that the energy and significance of the name must be one that will help the child follow this path of G-dliness and of purpose. That the child grows up with a clear identity on why he or she is here to begin with.
When our baby girl was born we wanted to find that heavenly name. We chose to name her after Rebbetzin Chaya Mushka. True, she will share her name with countless other Chabad women and girls around the world. Her name will not be “original” or “unique”. Yet how lucky we are to have a child with this legacy! A daughter who can carry the Rebbetzin's grace, kindness, sensitivity, humility, modesty and other-oriented nature - all qualities that we now see that Hashem has graciously blessed our Chaya with! What a gift to grant her a name with this energy, with this message, with her life's mission cut out for her - to be a daughter of G-d, a daughter of her holy ancestors...
When our baby boy was born, after many girls - we once again searched for that heavenly name. Lots of ideas popped into my mind. My Savta's voice message came back to me. Ideas and names swirled in our minds. Yet that resounding inner voice, what the sages call "ruach hakodesh" - prophecy - was clear. We will give him the Rebbe's holy name! When "Menachem Mendel" was called out at his bris, I had tears flowing. Our seventh child will now share a name with our beloved Rebbe - the seventh Chabad leader. Little Menachem's crystal clear blue eyes, his sweet and gentle nature, and his very apparent holy spirit, carry the energy of our Rebbe.
Menachem means comfort - and our Menachem brings us comfort.
While I was in in labor with Menachem, my two-year-old Devorah Leah came to sit on my lap. Snuggling and enjoying closeness with me and the unborn baby, she called out suddenly: "Come Baby, Come!" During the most challenging moments of active labor, her words rang in my mind again and again : "Come Baby, Come!"
Whenever I felt progress slow down, the words came back, and I whispered them to myself : "Come Baby, Come!"
It was fascinating how the process quickened its pace and smoothly progressed as I kept focus on that mantra.
And as I held our baby boy in my arms - I knew the lesson would stay with me.
We are waiting for the coming of Moshiach. When the "birth pangs" of this exile are at their peak - I need to hold onto that: "Come Baby, Come!" mantra. Come, Moshiach - Come! This mantra will propel me forward towards better times! It'll make it go fast, it'll make it go smooth, and it’ll make it happen now. We can't sit here with intense labor forever!!
This again made our baby boy's name really meaningful. Our Rebbe, Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson was the one who prophesied that Moshiach WILL COME in this generation. The Rebbe spoke about this constantly - that Moshiach will come, he will come... He will come in this seventh generation - the seventh from the beginning of the Chabad movement.
So the name is deeply powerful for Dov and I. We are so grateful that we didn't miss the opportunity to have his energy join our family.
Thank you Hashem for our Chaya Mushka.
Thank you Hashem for our Menachem Mendel.
Thank you Hashem for gifting us with all of our children.
We commit ourselves to do our very best to gift them back to You, by raising them according to Your will.
