B"H
Dear Lamplighter Students,
I’m hoping you girls are having a light-filled summer so far. Here in Oxnard, I haven't stopped thinking about each of you. Rabbi Dov and I were blessed by Hashem to have just welcomed a new Lamplighter to this world… our little princess Yocheved Sara.
Tonight is Gimmel Tammuz. It has been 28 years since our world has seen the shining face of our dear Rebbe. We are in this terribly uncomfortable and confusing place between Galus and Geula, between exile and redemption. I hope that this letter I write will bring us some faith… a glimmer of light…
I wanted to share with you a bit about Yocheved’s journey into this world. You girls played a significant role in her journey- as you'll soon hear.
It started with a typical labor, very light and easy at first. Yaffa and I were busy packing up her clothing together for her summer leave, as I stopped every once in a while to take some deep breaths through a contraction. Yaffa asked me a great question. “Mommy, you always talk about the labor experience being so Moshiachdik… but when Moshiach comes, won’t labor be without any pain? So how will you have that “high” you describe that comes after all the intense laboring?”
When the contraction I was in the middle of faded, I let her know that as much as I love the process of labor, I will be THRILLED to see what labor in the times of Geula will look like! Perhaps it’ll just be these pleasant sensations I’m feeling as we are chatting now, in early labor? I’d be happy to have the intensity stay right where it is at this time! I don’t need it to get that tough to feel Moshiachdik! We continued folding clothing and zipping packing cubes, while I continued to notice the baby's movements.
Everyone went to sleep for the night and right on cue, active labor began. Each surge was more intense than the one before. With Hashem's help, I was able to calm myself into a deep sleep between each one. The sensations started getting intense and I started doubting what I told Yaffa. Ummm… what’s Moshiachdik about this exactly?! Bringing a new neshama, a new soul, into this world is HARD WORK! It can even feel frightening at times! It is the most vulnerable place one can be! I woke up Rabbi Dov, I was ready for support. “Call for the midwives!” :-)
Suddenly I got a strong desire to have Yaffa around. I asked Rabbi Dov to wake her up and bring me that little Dance Like Miriam tambourine. I asked her to play the music track from our performance last year… The “Yearning” song, again and again and again…
That's where you girls joined the scene. Your sweet and beautiful voices filled my room, filled my mind, body, and my baby’s neshama. Clutching the tambourine, I listened to you girls singing trust into my heart… With all that feminine energy, I was now certain that this baby was going to be a girl…
There I was, squeezing that tambourine, and hanging on to every word of the song. I hung onto every nuance, every harmony, each of you represented by the different age voices I was hearing. I focused on welcoming new life to this world with every one of you cheering me on.
“It’s hard, to believe….” I started sobbing… it’s SO HARD TO BELIEVE!!! I’m experiencing that most awesome feeling of birth at its mightiest moments, and… I'm meant to believe that soon I’ll be holding a baby in my arms??? It feels IMPOSSIBLE! “That a future so divine… can be possible…” - It’s NOT POSSIBLE, it can’t be. “While we… are enslaved… body and mind…” I feel pretty enslaved by my body right now. Will it really allow this baby to come?
Yes I feel the baby kicking and squirming - yet the intensity and discomfort, it is so loud right now! I can't imagine the glorious ending at all!
But then I hear you sing “Emunah, yearning for Geula… with our tambourines in hand…” And my tears are streaming, I’m clutching that tambourine, and I’m trying SO HARD to believe that the happy ending is coming, that it will come without any more pain, that it will come and we will all be happy and healthy to experience it with peace…
I’m staring at the tambourine, the words “Dance like MIRIAM” staring back at me. I’m suddenly wishing we can name her Miriam! But no, I am committed to honoring my Savta Yocheved, "Savta Eivy" as we lovingly called her.
Savta survived the horrors of the holocaust. She stood up from the ashes, married my Sabba Avraham, in the hope of rebuilding life. How did she find the courage to bring my Ima into such a dark world? I always knew I wanted a daughter named for this strong woman in my life…
Then it hit me - WAIT - Yocheved!!! I can hear Yocheved’s words, “Miriam, you have taught us ALL how to dance!” Yes - Yocheved! Why didn’t I make that connection earlier? The mother of Miriam, the mother of Moshe, the mother of Moshiach.
Then I thought about Sara, Rabbi Dov’s grandmother that we hoped to honor should we have a girl. Sara! A Princess! The mother of ALL of us! The one who journeyed through life not even knowing if she would ever cradle a baby in her arms… and then she birthed a nation!
I’m in warm water, I’m comfortable, I take one big deep breath and there she is - cradled in my arms. I look into her eyes, I look at my tambourine, I look at Yaffa, my “Miriam”... and I call for the other little “Miriams” in my life to come… Menucha, Devorah Leah joined… let's get Chaya and Bracha Leba on the phone… Let's all be here for this precious moment, celebrating new life.
Baby had such a gentle birth, she seemed to not even realize she was born, seemingly thinking she was still inside of me. I reminded her that she was born and it was time to start life on the outside. She needed to take her first breath - which she did so beautifully, as her skin turned a soft pink.
I’m remembering Yocheved’s words, “I was born by the gates of Egypt… I knew freedom, and yet I am locked into the shackles of slavery…” Born in the gates between freedom and exile. What a place to be born! Right in transition!
Erev Rosh Chodesh Tammuz will forever be her birthday. The month with both yartzeits - both Savta Yocheved and Grandma Shirley (Sara). "Born by the gates to Egypt…" Yocheved Sara was born at the entrance of a month that seems to be leading to Galus, with the days of mourning approaching. But this is the month leading to the ultimate Geula! On this day when there is no light from the moon shining, yet a brand new light is about to be born… days before Gimmel Tammuz, 12-13 Tammuz - let's not forget the ultimate Geula, the whole POINT of all of this!
I keep thinking about Yocheved, gaining comfort from her little daughter Miriam. Humbly learning from her courage, faith, and clear vision of the bright future….
Looking into my baby's eyes, I knew she could benefit from seeing the beautiful light we can create in this world. Hey, it's not fun being torn away from Hashem's radiant light and comfort to come down here. So Yaffa and I sang Modeh Ani with her and washed her cute little hands neggel vasser. It was my first time having a baby right in the morning.
And then…
"The house was filled with light."
Welcome Yocheved Sara… Named for two powerful women in our family, for two powerful women in our history.
Girls, as we enter the month that seems to transition to Galus - please help us transition to Geula. Over the summer, let's find opportunities to strengthen our belief, our trust in better times. Let's inspire others to do the same. Let's visualize our Rebbe, our generation's Moshe, leading us out of Galus.
Let us not forget to take that first breath! We are in transition, we are right at the gate - let us enter our glorious future with happy and open hearts, proud of the Emunah and Bitachon, the faith and trust, that we held onto all along.
Yocheved and I are ready to dance with you all.
Bring your tambourines!
You girls mean the world to me. I admire you all so much.
With love,
Morah Racheli
