I told myself that I was not going to write about the Sassoon family’s tragedy. I want to write about happy things! This is too much... I have been numb and speechless since I heard the devastating news this past Saturday night. I said I would never find words to express my feelings on it.
As the week is coming to a close, though – I am searching for comfort. I am searching for words that might help me move forward. But I can’t find any.
Just as I thought that there could be nothing more painful than my innocent nieces and nephews losing their father… we now have a father who loses the same amount of innocent children… and to this I am left in total shock.
I was just starting to get back on my feet, just starting to find some light in this darkness. And now this.
I heard the haunting recording of the Sassoon children, singing Shwekey's “Cry No More – Yerushalayim!”. I felt like their souls were singing to me from Heaven.
I embraced my daughter this morning before sending her off to preschool. I didn’t want to let go. The darkest of fears pounding on my mind’s door.
I am trying to picture our parents in Egypt. I am thinking of the pain and devastation upon seeing their own children slaughtered by the merciless King Pharoah. Coming home from endless hours of slavery and torture, to find out that their babies were taken by the Egyptian officers, never to return.
I am reflecting on the words we read in the Torah: וַיִּשְׁמַע אֱלֹקים אֶת נַאֲקָתָם “And the children of Israel… cried out, and their cry ascended to G-d from the labor. G-d heard their cry, and G-d remembered His covenant... And G-d saw the children of Israel, and G-d knew”.
G-d knows, G-d hears.
He knows what we are going through, He brought the pain.
“Why?” is not even worth asking. I won’t waste my breath.
“What now…?” is a better use of my energy.
What now…? Get ready for Pesach!
What now…? Prepare for Redemption!
What now…? Strengthen my belief.
Last week – I thought I believed.
Now I feel like I need to start all over again.
Back to the basics I go:
There is a G-d.
He created this world.
He has a plan.
He told us this world was not going to be a jungle forever.
He told us to believe in better times.
What now…? One foot in front of the other.
What now…? Demand and cry out to G-d for mercy.
What now…? Hug my children tight.
Dear G-d – if You wanted us to have a taste of Exile before Passover – You succeeded. We get it. Now we’re ready for You to play Your part in the story. We need an Exodus all over again! Take us out of this bitter state! Restore Your Glory in Yerushalayim! Let us truly “Cry No More!”
Nothing is too hard for You, Hashem.
I am still numb. But I will do my best to focus on the “What now…?”
I will do my best to strengthen that belief.
Until You wake us up for real.
