Pause

I often find it very hard to “pause”.  It’s just too hard to STOP and reflect, laugh, smile, or to connect with those who are physically around me. 

(Being honest here - connecting with people across the world through “Whatsapp”, for example, is so much easier!) 

 I also often think about how just about every mistake I have ever made in my life, big or small, could have been prevented had I ‘paused’.  Had I taken a moment to think things through, get advice, and reflect, before allowing my words to go out, my action to be done, or before hitting send on that e-mail. 

 Last Monday, I paused – big time.  An 11-year-old beautiful girl in the Chabad community passed away after fighting illness for many, many months.  Chaya Spalter from Los Angeles had been in my daughter’s bunk in overnight camp this year.  I paused.

 At the funeral, I listened to her grandfather speak.  Rabbi Ezra Schochet – the Rosh Yeshiva of Yeshiva Ohr Elchanan Chabad - spoke from his heart.  I could not believe the words I was hearing.

 Rabbi Schochet asked us all to remain strong with our faith and trust in G-d, and continue to serve Him with joy.  A tragedy like this can bring up a lot of questions.  He did not want those questions to get in our way.  He explained to us that any despair could cause pain to the soul of his granddaughter.  A joyful and determined girl, she deserves for us to have more faith, not less! 

 He then spoke about how dedicated her parents were to her throughout her illness.  Rabbi Mendy and Hadassa Spalter supported their Chaya day and night.  He said “I’m sure every parent in this room would do the same…”  But then he added –  let us be dedicated parents without illness...

His words touched my heart.  In his moment of pain – he gave us all clear guidance on how to move forward. 

I’ve been thinking about what mitzvah I can take upon myself in Chaya’s honor.  I want it to be in this area of bringing joy to my life, and to the life of my children.  Joy filled with faith and trust in Hashem. 

Today I was driving my children to school, hoping to make it on time to a staff meeting.  My five-year-old realized she forgot something “important” at home and began to cry, scream and tantrum about it.  There was no way I could turn back now.  She forgot it – that’s life!  In the past I would likely have let her cry it out until we got to school, knowing that she has the full choice of calming herself down if she chooses.  “She’s being irrational”, I’d say to myself.  “She’ll know better next time, and she’ll learn that a tantrum accomplishes nothing other than a self-inflicted headache.”   

But today I paused.

 I thought about the words I heard at that funeral.   I pulled over to the side of the road and parked the car.  I whispered to myself, “Le’iluy nishmas Chaya Mushka bas Menachem Mendel” (Let this be in the honor of Chaya Spalter).  I wordlessly unbuckled my daughter and gave her a hug as she melted into me and slowly calmed down.  All she really needed was that hug.  Time paused at the side of the road at that moment. 

 I got back in the driver’s seat – and I made it on time for the staff meeting after all.  How long was that pause?  30 seconds?  Maybe 60 seconds? 

 I think I know what I personally want to do in Chaya’s honor.  And I pray that I can keep to it until Moshiach comes and beyond.    I am going to search for daily opportunities to pause and give the time to myself and those around me in order to add in smiles, laughter, faith and trust.   I am going to “invest” in more happy moments by pausing and giving time to others.    

I will hold on to the vision of Moshiach coming, of Chaya’s reunion with her family, and of a magical “bunk reunion” – where I see Chaya, her friends, and my daughter partying away, in good-old Chaya style. 

And then joy, faith and trust will come easy for us all.